So today has been FULL of Drama. I've had my dream crushed by my own mother, I was stood up by a trio of friends, and I had to say goodbye to my sister until my grades are perfectly straight A's.
First I woke up to find my parents gone, I had no idea where they were until my mom called and told me they were in Auburn for some stuff to pick up. Okay cool I had the house to myself for a few hours. Then I logged into my Facebook to check up on normal stuff, turns out my Best Friend went thrift shopping for a show we're in with my other best friend and didn't think to take me with them. Was it just another 'spur of the moment' sure. I'll buy it. I'm acting like a total jerk when I type this, mainly because I am the co-director of the show. I would like to hope I'm included in everything INVOLVING her show. Awesome they picked up everything. I'm just mad as a bull stuck in a house full of Red. I'm not mad at anybody, but just the fact she couldn't call and ask. What is this?
Second, I had to run to town to pick up some stuff with my mom. I drove to practice for my exam in a few weeks. I fail at parking. I told my mom last night about some casting directors that are about 30 minutes away where I can send my resume and headshots we can take. She snapped at me and yelled at me saying I already told her. Eventually, the big question came from me:
"Do you Even Want This For Me?" I cracked when I said it. Eyes started to water. Her response:
"I Don't Actually. I never did."
That was a stab to the heart. I feel so empty right now... broken... shattered... completely stepped on. That ruined the rest of my Day. I now feel as if I'm walking on air. I'm not awake, I feel like my entire being went completely idle... and now I'm just walking in a dream. Pinch Me. Wake me up.. anything that will snap me out of this right now. What doesn't help is 2 of my best friends who were together split apart... I don't know how they're doing, God help us.
Lastly, what I come home to. I talked to my friend, My sister Megan about my day. She's rather irked about it. She was talking to her Dad about how they can help me with stuff and accomplishing what I want to do. And what college I want to go to. I want to go to colleges that require good education, which is what I have, but it's just hard to balance it out with people constantly on my case about everything in my life. I already feel like I'm being stalked out by the paparazzi. Her Dad said something along lines of that I need to get my butt off the computer, away from the TV and work harder at my studies. You don't think I do? Well I'm sorry for trying my hardest. I WANT those grades. I WANT to go to a good college. And then she tells me her Dad never lets her talk to people with average grades, people who've been to summer school [because their teacher failed 30/32 people], people like me... and I had to tell her goodbye. I don't know what she'll say once she's sees the message, it wasn't intended to hurt her. But I can't let her talk to me if I don't help her grades.
I may be smart, I may be inspiring so I've been told, but I'm not a role model. My grades SUCK. I'm not a girl someone Megans age should be looking up to...
I just want her to succeed... with my grades now, I'm not going to be a singer... I'm going to be a hobo living in a taxi is what I see.
I just don't know what to do anymore...
God Help Me.
Amen...
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