Writers Block. . .

is a real pain in the $&%@*!! Sometimes, I wanna smack my head against the wall until it comes up with one word that rhymes or flows with the previous lyric. I get inspired by every little thing I pass, but I can't seem to get the inspiration in the same context of a song I'm writing. It's all for different reasons;

relationships

God

parents

love

ect. ect. ect. . . Ughhh right now, I'm working on a song called "Change" every other word is the word "Change" okay we get the song is called change by this point, right? : ( Man, it's not simple. Everyone says I have a talent for writing and craft and creativity. . . but I can never stay on one topic. All my "doodles" of songs are real to me, and personal, so they mean a lot even if they're cheesy. . . which I try to not aim for.

But on the bright side;;

SENIOR BALL TOMORROW WOO.

Maybe the song, it'll come to me soon. . .

I need to go read my Bible.

Peace.

Book Signing!!

OMFG I MET ELLEN HOPKINS.

Now if only I remembered my camera. . . I swear I am such an airhead. Now today at school, Ellen Hopkins came to tell her story and talk about her books::
Crank
Burned
Impulse
Glass
Identical

: ) she was amazing. Oh my goodness, and she was hysterical. The entire assembly lasted about an hour, she told us her life story and talked about her books. I'm pretty sure she got many people crying since Crank and Glass are based off of her daughters life story. It wasn't hard for her to open up about it though, so we all felt comfortable with her/talking to her. She was very down to earth though, and she is very fan friendly.

After the assembly, she had a book signing! Now I don't have any of the books, but my friend lets me borrow hers. So instead she signed my ticket : ) if only I could get my lazy butt off my bed to go take a picture of it. . . eh I'll do it tomorrow. Haha. She signed "For Jordan, Be Strong. Ellen Hopkins" She was very lovely, and very nice. But she was really exhausted by the time we got to the front of the line. I asked her if she didn't mind a picture and she said "of course!" with a smile, I don't even know what I'm typing I was so excited!!

Good luck with the rest of your books, Ellen. You are an amazing writer and such a strong woman. We appreciate everything you do through your writing, may God guide you through your book signings and books. : ) Thank you for this opportunity.

I Pulled A Garbo. . .

And I have returned to blogger : ) Wow it's been ages. So now, I will not only be updating this as much as I can, but also my tumblr. . . which is where I've been. Haha. And this new blog layout is. . . different. So let me give you a little hint. Those stars at the top of the header to the left;

1st. my "about me"

2nd. my cbox! (leave messages!!)

3rd. um. . . nothing actually. I'll think of what to put.

4th. TWITTER LINK!

Right now, my life consists of trying to graduate High School with a 4.0 and pulling my government grade up.

Achieving that scholarship (whenever I see my boss next, he needs to write a letter of recommendation.) And this scholarship is from my choir for music majors : )

Writing, writing, and more song writing.

Jonas events galore.

One of the best summers ever this year. ♥

and much more.

Did I also mention I have officially fallen in love? It's a true love story and I love every waking moment of it.

Right now? Well I'm being lazy, still in my PJ's at 1:53 in the afternoon on a Saturday while listening to music and texting my sister. I need to get that proactive. . . stupid zits. They hurt : (

So, today looks lazy. OH!

KIDS CHOICE AWARDS TONIGHT!!

I wish I was going, but no tickets this year either of course. . . I WILL be there next year. 11 years of trying to get tickets.

Did you guys be sure to vote for Joe or Nick Jonas for best actor? : ) I really do wish Kevin was nominated.
Also! be sure to vote for Nick Jonas & The Administration for MTV's March Maddness here

Did I mention I was at his final show? 5th row ♥ long story I will never ever forget.

Until the next blog!

Jordan ♥

You Have To Step In Their Shoes

When I find Mr. Right, I'm not going to be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 28 seconds. - Taylor Swift as of 2 days ago.

So I still notice that Taylor Swift hasn't gotten over Joseph. I know it was about a year ago, and obviously she felt something deep for him, as he did for her at the time. I mean he did say 'Forever and Always' according to her music. And promising someone Forever and Always is a big promise to someone. They were together for about a month I believe, and I loved them together not going to lie. Taylor is so sweet, beautiful, and talented. And so is Joe. They were great for each other, but not meant to be together forever. It's understandable Taylor has had boyfriends before, but what she felt for Joe was something different. She was fascinated by him and how he loved her for the time. But what disgusts me is the hate Taylor still gets and how everyone keeps wanting to scream 'GET.THE.HECK.OVER.IT' but they just do not understand how rough it is.

I mean really really think about it. Stop what you're doing. Turn off the music you're blasting, turn off the TV, and keep reading and clear all of your thoughts out of your head. Imagine. You're dating the sweetest, caring, funny, charming, drop dead gorgeous boy you have ever met. He makes you laugh like nobody else can, he makes you feel like you're the most precious gift in the entire world. He knows you are a treasure. And he treats you like a fragile diamond. He cares for you. Then one day you two are talking and he decides that he loves you. You ask him 'Do you love me?' and he says to you 'I could never look at another girl the same way I see you. You are the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. Someone like you is impossible to find. I vow to take care of you, be there forever, Forever and Always' You're overwhelmed. You're so in love you can't feel the ground you're walking on, you feel like you are flying to heaven and you'll never come down. But then one day out of nowhere your Angel wings are ripped right out of your back. He decides to tell you it's not working out, he 'just wants to be your friend' but when really he found someone who he THINKS is better. He breaks your heart, tears it right out of your chest and stomps on it with his 2 left feet. This boy who you were sure was the Prince you were going to spend your life with just swept a peasant girl off of her feet and she is going to live your place in his Castle. You're stuck in the cold, standing in the rain, so wet nobody can see you cry. You pray for answers, they never come though. You can't find the thoughts to get over him. It's going to be stuck with you for the rest of your life... and you're going to dread it. Even when your Prince finds you, he's still in the back of your mind. And you are in his.

It's times like these when you have to open up your ears and listen to your heart. What's confusing to understand is that your head longs for him back. Not your heart. Your heart knows what's right and wrong, and it's ready to be healed by your Prince. But you have to listen to your heart. It's hard to not talk about him, especially when your family gets mad at you for it. I am sick of people hating Taylor for something they don't even understand. You have to know how hard it is before you judge. I have been there and it is the most heart breaking experience ever. To loose someone so fast, and ending it like that. Never finding the truth, never becoming friends, Things are broken apart and shattered glass. And they can't be put back together. But if you truly want it fixed, you have to do it yourself. 

Taylor, Joe is an amazing guy as you know. But he was wrong. He left you for a girl who used him. I hate to say it, but total Karma. Just like me, you need to get over him. It's hard, and we all hate it. But your Prince is coming. Wait for him, Juliet. 

Love is on its way.

Mind Over Matter.

Hello, Bloggers. This is just a story that was taken from a dream I had last night, it was one of the most painful things I ever had to witness. It was heart shattering and depressing, and I pray it never happens. It's not real, but it really is my mind over my heart.

It was long ago, not that long actually... the rush of adrenaline that runs through my veins when I think about it is fascinating. He was my very first kiss, my first boyfriend, the very first boy to call me beautiful while looking in my eyes, as if he was looking through my soul. His brown hair, and those hypnotizing green eyes. The boy is gorgeous, he's tall, adorable, and knows how to make me laugh. Up until now, I've gotten over everything we've had. I was nothing but something to use to him, but I do know I can move on to bigger and better things. 

Of course, I still have to see him everyday. Do I want him back? That's a hard question. My head longs for him. My brain and thoughts want him to come back and feel his lips against mine, his hands wrapped around my body in an neverending embrace. For him to care for me once again. But My heart? No. Absolutely not. I had always taught myself to listen to my heart, and it's become easier once you figure things out. My heart longs for another, and I know who he is, and I want to be with him more than anything. He is everything I've pictured in my husband. The ex, Him on the other hand, he was great, but was with me for the wrong reason. I never thought he would enter my head again... But I went to bed that one night, I would have never expected a dream about him... and others, and yes that is what happened once I closed my eyes. 

I hardly remember what it started out as. It must have been a trip for the entire class, or I met up with him out of nowhere when I went on vacation. He had looked at me like he used to, into my eyes through my soul. I must have said something to him before hand, and I don't remember. I said his name softly. We had been standing in the open, it started to rain. The sky was a dull shade of grey, absolutely no color on his face or in his eyes. He looked dead with no life in his eyes. I felt so weak, as if I was about to fall over. If I had said something to him, it had affected us both. Because I'm sure I was the mirror reflection of him right then. Life had disappeared from both of our faces. He looked at me, bags under his eyes with dark circles. His skin pale. He started walking closer to me, which turned into running, eventually he had me in his embrace. It felt weird to be in his arms again. While he was embracing me, I was standing there in his arms, at my weakest point trying to get him to honestly let go. This felt like a dream in a dream. Pinch me, please... I was almost to the point of hypervenalaying. 

The rain started to fall, everything felt black and white. The trees were completely bare, winter was definitely here. I had just stood there, in his arms. He would not let me leave, it's as if holding onto me was his only way to breathe. I was his oxygen for this moment. He had his face in my hair and he was trying to say something through his choking voice.

"I'm so sorry... I spent the last year in pain, missing you. I let the most precious thing I ever met in my life go so easily. You are an angel, I have never met someone so happy, so full of life and smiles ever... I would give everything to have you be mine again."

I never was yours. I thought to myself. I kept saying 'let go' to him trying not to cry. I felt like I was going to collapse. My mind was over matter, It craved his kisses. But my heart was being ripped apart at this moment. Where was my Knight. He had been kissing my hair at the same time, begging for forgiveness. I had already forgiven him. But I cannot have him. I have to guard my heart, and it already is being protected by someone else. I do love you, I do. But it took you this long to realize you made a huge mistake of letting me slip from you. 

I just can't have you... I'm not that girl for you.

Yet you mean a lot to me.

You always will. 

But my 'love' for you is nothing but infatuation, and for that I am sorry.

Fatigued, Puffy Eyes, It must be a Stampede.

Dear God,

So today has been FULL of Drama. I've had my dream crushed by my own mother, I was stood up by a trio of friends, and I had to say goodbye to my sister until my grades are perfectly straight A's.

First I woke up to find my parents gone, I had no idea where they were until my mom called and told me they were in Auburn for some stuff to pick up. Okay cool I had the house to myself for a few hours. Then I logged into my Facebook to check up on normal stuff, turns out my Best Friend went thrift shopping for a show we're in with my other best friend and didn't think to take me with them. Was it just another 'spur of the moment' sure. I'll buy it. I'm acting like a total jerk when I type this, mainly because I am the co-director of the show. I would like to hope I'm included in everything INVOLVING her show. Awesome they picked up everything. I'm just mad as a bull stuck in a house full of Red. I'm not mad at anybody, but just the fact she couldn't call and ask. What is this? 

Second, I had to run to town to pick up some stuff with my mom. I drove to practice for my exam in a few weeks. I fail at parking. I told my mom last night about some casting directors that are about 30 minutes away where I can send my resume and headshots we can take. She snapped at me and yelled at me saying I already told her. Eventually, the big question came from me:

"Do you Even Want This For Me?" I cracked when I said it. Eyes started to water. Her response:

"I Don't Actually. I never did."

That was a stab to the heart. I feel so empty right now... broken... shattered... completely stepped on. That ruined the rest of my Day. I now feel as if I'm walking on air. I'm not awake, I feel like my entire being went completely idle... and now I'm just walking in a dream. Pinch Me. Wake me up.. anything that will snap me out of this right now. What doesn't help is 2 of my best friends who were together split apart... I don't know how they're doing, God help us.

Lastly, what I come home to. I talked to my friend, My sister Megan about my day. She's rather irked about it. She was talking to her Dad about how they can help me with stuff and accomplishing what I want to do. And what college I want to go to. I want to go to colleges that require good education, which is what I have, but it's just hard to balance it out with people constantly on my case about everything in my life. I already feel like I'm being stalked out by the paparazzi. Her Dad said something along lines of that I need to get my butt off the computer, away from the TV and work harder at my studies. You don't think I do? Well I'm sorry for trying my hardest. I WANT those grades. I WANT to go to a good college. And then she tells me her Dad never lets her talk to people with average grades, people who've been to summer school [because their teacher failed 30/32 people], people like me... and I had to tell her goodbye. I don't know what she'll say once she's sees the message, it wasn't intended to hurt her. But I can't let her talk to me if I don't help her grades. 

I may be smart, I may be inspiring so I've been told, but I'm not a role model. My grades SUCK. I'm not a girl someone Megans age should be looking up to...

I just want her to succeed... with my grades now, I'm not going to be a singer... I'm going to be a hobo living in a taxi is what I see.

I just don't know what to do anymore...

God Help Me. 

Amen...

Just Give It A Try, How Do You Know What'll Happen? You Can't See The Future.

Currently: Listening to "Solo" by Demi Lovato [AMAZING!]

Before: Passed on a inspiring message/video

So, As it says, before this I watched a really inspiring video with an amazing message. But I need to say something before I post it. 

Many times nowadays, it doesn't have to be someone I know, but so many girls I see that [are younger!!!] or older than me or even MY age, unmarried, not even out of school, have had sex. And even those who have graduated both school and college, but couldn't find their place in this world, they take what God made them and turn it into something disastrous, vile, torn apart. 

I see many women are prostitutes and strippers now, but not only to make a living, to just entertain. It's great you want to 'flaunt what you've got' but is this really what you were made to do? I can't tell anyone to what and what not to do, but I just don't think anyone belongs in that position. I send this message to mosly teenage girls my age, as well as women older than me, adults, married, unmarried, ect. 

Many people I know don't believe in God, they don't follow him, they never [or even want to] experience his love. It leaves me thinking really, how can you say something isn't real when you never even bothered to just stop for a minute and listen? If I try to share my faith with those against God, or Satanic, and I want them to come with me to Church to just share my faith and I want them to go home and think. They don't have to change, but I just want them to stop for a moment, but whenever I try they always say stuff like "PROVE God isn't real. You are an IDIOT for believing in such a mythical being." I just walk away and forget it. I pray for them, I just wish they knew what they were missing out on.

But if you, reading this blog, little do you know, and me too, that you aren't missing out. God is always with you, he loves you, protects you. Life goes on, you may shun him out of you life but he still loves you. I'm not asking you to be a Christian after this, or to go to a church. You have your own beliefs, can I please just share my story with you? I just want to teach others about Gods love and how he works in many ways. The hardest times can be the best blessings in disguise, you just have to dig through the rough to find the diamonds. 

Being a teenager, like myself, it is the hardest time in my life so far. So many complications have come my way, when I thought I'd never make it out alive, I thought I would never be happy ever again. I thought I was just going to wake up the next day and just die alone and depressed. That time lasted from 5 months, to a year. I would pray, and ask God for advice, to make all of this and the people causing it to just go away. Did they leave? They didn't. I considered suicide at one point. I thought God wasn't just listening or hearing me.

But I was wrong. 

Everything bad that happened and when everything felt worse and I felt like I was the victim in everything going on, it was all a learning experience. I put my faith in God, and I let him hold me, and I had to work through it on my own, but my Guardian Angel, Jesus Christ was always right behind me. Evidently, everything cleared up. I do go Solo most of the time, but I know I'm not alone. And I know I'm not when I look at him, as well as 3 other people in my life.

What I'm trying to say is, that when you feel alone and when you feel like you can't go to anyone or anything, if you are against God, if you Satanist, if you are against all religions, if you try to prove me wrong, you can go ahead and keep your beliefs. But I am going to say that God always sends his blessing. He always has his hand in yours. He works through his son, Jesus. He loves you! 

I say this to all my sisters, You are much higher than you sometimes think you are. You are not meant to use yourself and body for horrible things. I believe in marriage before sex, so you are forever stuck with your 'one' and it's not made for us to give our virginity to some stranger at the ages of 17 or 18. Your virginity is the most precious gift God has given you since your were born. I believe every girl has one special Man made for them, you may not know who it is when you see him, but feelings grow, and maybe we're destined to meet the wrong people before we meet the right person. He's out there, he's looking for his Princess. Even if you do give it to a man who changes his mind, God still loves you and he will for Eternity. 

He does Love you

He always Protects you

And He wants to protect you.

HE WANTS TO PROTECT YOU, BEAUTIFUL SISTER! 

You're all so incredibly talented in your own ways. You are the most precious Gift God has given your parents even if sometimes they get mad at you. Be it singing, acting, dancing, painting, writing, sports, ANYTHING. It can even be an academic class, you are all SO beautiful and amazing and even those I don't know I love you! And all I want in my life is to be heard. I focus all my hard work into my Music and my Acting, and it's gotten me farther than I thought it ever would.

I hate how most people see every Christians as Hypocritical, Ignorant, Judging people. Who are we to judge? We don't decide who goes to Heaven or Hell. Not all of us are like that. It depends on the person, and what they see in others. I listen to everyone, and I respect what they believe in. I see beauty and light in every heart that I pass.

Try to prove me wrong, say whatever you believe, I don't care if you don't believe in God, I know Religion and beliefs are whatever makes you happy. Did I ever say I was trying to change your mind? Absolutely not. Hate Me. But This is me. This is my heart speaking, Listen to it for at least 3 seconds. Because I made a commitment years ago that nobody or anything would stop me from trying to share and accomplish what I want to do in my life... to sing. To do what I love to do. And I encourage you everyday, go for it. Let nobody, let nothing, slow you down either. God is always there to catch you even if you trip but manage to get back up on your own. I can't predict your future for you, it's all an adventure and you hold the map. Find your way, and even if you don't know me, I'm there beside you the whole way up :)

Love, Sissy Jordy 

<3

P.S.

Try listening to the song "Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright, it's a beautiful one and you'll love it.

For the Lord has plans for you... to prosper and not harm you. 

(Jeremiah 29:19)